Damn it All This is How I Feel

I sat in my room and listened to the sounds. The house was full of life like always and the pounding of children’s feet echoed down the tile halls. Music soared through the house and the sound of cooking was heard beneath it. I leaned against the head board of my bed and swallowed, doing my best to control my unruly feelings. The emptiness, and heart ache i thought I had escaped seemed to creep onto more so these days, and I have been unable to grasp why. I felt alone even among all these people, the ones I was supposed to call my family, yet sometimes it didn’t feel that way. They weren’t family, but strangers. The need to cry and release these wretched emotions was overwhelming, yet I know I am not the only one that seems to be suffering these days. I place this false grin on my face and pretend to be strong and happy for those around me. I am alone in a crowd of people that I love, yet I rather have them feel like they are not. My troubles aren’t the only ones that exist, and maybe some have it worse. Yet, I bare my own cross of pain and am easily over looked, because I place myself above my pain. Though as I sit on my own, or among those I care for, the loneliness grows deeper. Are they the strangers or am I? How can I be surrounded by such love and care, and still feel like it isn’t real? Like it is just an instinct and natural reaction caused by my being near. Why does nothing feel genuine anymore? How can a world I knew for so long disappear in a matter of seconds?